Although dating amongst partners of different ages and generations has long been practiced, there is a lot of fuss made about the appropriateness of certain age gaps. Nobody is going to quibble over five years between consensual adults (generally considered to be over the age of 18 and therefore legally allowed to consent to sexual acts), but when one party is under the age of consent and/or the difference in age is significant, it can ruffle feathers and lead to difficulties in the relationship. But how do you know when an age gap is too big?
Of course, the best way to gauge this is by how you feel. If you are uncomfortable with dating someone who is older or younger than you by a fair margin, then that is a good sign that the age gap is too big. Of course, your family and friends will no doubt want to weigh in on the subject as well (along with any passing busybody who tells you their opinion with a knowing look, rude gesture, or comments murmured under their breath). But you need to make up your own mind. You should take into account the opinions of people who love you and want the best for you (and ignore the rest of the nosy world), but ultimately, you’re the one who has to decide if any given relationship is right for you (or not).
Another way to determine if the age gap is too big has a lot more to do with life experience than a numerical disparity. If two people are at similar places in their lives, the age gap really shouldn’t have any bearing on their decision to carry on a relationship. For example, a gap of up to ten years (with an older man and a younger woman) is generally preferable since women tend to mature emotionally long before men. In addition, a woman’s libido tends to wane a bit before a man’s, so this age gap may put them closer to an even playing field, so to speak. However, larger age gaps can lead to an inability for each party to understand where the other is coming from.
For example, a person fresh out of college is probably going to have a hard time relating to an older person who has been in a long-term, committed relationship, been married (and divorced), and/or has children. And someone who is looking at retirement may not want to deal with a younger mate who is just starting a career or working overtime in order to advance in their field. An older person also may not be willing to start a family (especially a second family) later in life even though the younger person is in their prime.
In other words, a difference in age can often be more accentuated depending on where each person is on their life path. The emotional maturity and the stage in life that each person is experiencing means a lot more than the biological age assigned to either person. So before you start dating someone who is much older or younger than you, consider how you feel about the age gap, what your family and friends think of the relationship, and what (if anything) you have in common (including your life experience and your current situation). These factors will help you to determine if an age gap is inconsequential, or a serious liability.
Sarah Danielson writes for Attract Women where you can find tips and advice on meeting, dating, and talking to women.
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