What are yours? That’s the first thing you should ask yourself. We all have different ones, even though they often fall into similar categories. Once you’re able to realize what the problem is, you can take the next step – acting on it.
Infidelity, Jealousy, and Trust: Cheating is almost always a deal-breaker for anyone. It breaks the unspoken agreements most couples make when deciding to date each other. Not only is it a betrayal of trust, but it is also a big slap in the face to you and what your relationship stands for.
Be wary of incredibly jealous partners – unless your partner has previously been cheated on (and thus has a reason to be afraid of it), jealousy often means that your partner is open to the possibility of cheating on you (or perhaps already is!) and just wants an excuse to feel justified in their own actions. If your partner has a justifiable reason for being paranoid due to their history, try to help them work through it, but if they still don’t trust you after enough time, consider leaving. The basis of any relationship (including friendship) is trust. If your partner doesn’t trust you, how can you trust them?
Time and Attachment: Does your partner have no time for you? Are they working all of the time or constantly with their friends? Or perhaps they’re too clingy and won’t give you a rest? This problem doesn’t necessarily have to be a deal breaker. Try to compromise first. May be you can designate a few evenings as just ‘couple time’. For the opposite problem, all-girl or all-guy nights can also be agreed upon on. Also take into account that working a lot may just be situational. Are you or your partner struggling for money right now? If so, don’t be too hard on them for working more than usual. It’s when it becomes a habit that it should be addressed – talk about it first before making any rash decisions.
Ideology and Morality: Another deal-breaker for many people is a huge difference in belief systems. Perhaps this manifests in religious belief – a lot of compromises need to be made, especially if you two are considering starting a family and grew up worshipping different things. For instance, what religion would you raise your children under? What holidays would be celebrated? Does it matter if you two believe different things? This can also manifest in political ideologies. While two people of incredibly different belief systems can co-exist, will it cause a lot of arguments in your household if you disagree on how the country should be run?
Finally, how do your morals line up? Is your partner okay with stealing, cheating, or lying? Is he rude and abrasive? Are you? Do you want to be associated with someone who is? For some, it can be very difficult to be with someone who offends your basic principles of living. Although it can be tolerated for a short time, it may eventually wear on you. Be watchful of this early on. Don’t waste your time if the situation is hopeless. Although you can try to help your partner change, remember that it is very difficult to change someone who has grown up a certain way their entire life.
Inflexible: Another important part of a successful relationship is compromise. If your partner can never ‘see your point of view’ and meet you half-way on issues you two have, it could leave the relationship at a stand-still. If both of you are incredibly stubborn, it’s even worse. Examine yourself too. For a relationship to work, you two need to meet in the middle. If you are incapable of doing so in most situations, it may be time to break it off.
Sarah Danielson is a writer for The Pickup Artist where you can find great tips and advice on dating.
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